just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
