dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
