just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
