i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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