Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
