Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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