I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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