I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
