when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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