Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
