so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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