We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Alive.
So much puke
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
