Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
