I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
