Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
