i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
