Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
