3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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