i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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