He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
