There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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