i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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