ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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