Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is it penis luge time yet?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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