then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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