Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
