And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
