Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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