Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
