she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
