Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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