I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
