so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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