You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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