So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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