hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
