Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
