i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
