yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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