Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
