They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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