she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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