The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
