how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
