we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
