Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i am craving dick and cupcakes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
