We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
