Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
