If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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