You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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