fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
