you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
